Conflicted.

I'm stuck between choosing to make my parents proud and choosing to be happy. 

Being a senior in high school means having to choose where to go and what to do after school ends. A lot of pressure is being put on a 17 year old, who hasn't even traveled on  a bus alone. Now I'm not saying that I'm a baby and that I'm dependent when the truth is I'm not dependent on anyone, I prefer to ride the bus alone and do other things that I'm perfectly capable of doing myself. Where am I going with this.... I'm supposed to be talking about being conflicted. 

Alright so being conflicted. I have a choice of going to pre-U or a foundation studies OR taking a year or two off. Now that my parents are slowly getting used to the fact that I want to do multimedia design as a career, I feel like I could actually do this, like I can continue studying. The thing that bothers me, that is constantly on my mind is, to continue studying. Continuing the stress and pressure I get from any kind of situation that involves school work. I guess everyone gets it, the stress of being a student, the pressure to meet up deadlines and most people can handle that pressure. I can't. Thinking about what school is doing to me right now and how much it's effecting my mental health, it scares me to know that if I don't continue with my studies right after this year, I would be a disappointment. 

What I want is to take a year or two to think and not be piled with work that I don't want to do. I would rather be doing something I don't have to do but I want to do then be doing something that I have to do but don't want to. I know that it would probably make a lot of people look down upon me but I really do believe that I can do it. I can make enough money for a living and be happy to be doing what I do. If only I could convince my family that I can, it would be a lot simpler.